nowhere

                                                

 nothing shouts happiness than being in the middle of nowhere, which is of course somewhere, on a map, but being surrounded by snowy tree branches and a crisp lake with my family, while we create our own sledding paths is exactly where i want to be.  i love standing in this place, trying to envelope its ability to just be.  our trip to leavenworth was cancelled because of dangerous snow storms and power outages, so we packed up, jumped in the car, to find our freedom.  this (lake easton) is where we landed.   

crazy christmas crafts

the kids made ginger houses at school so we made christmas tree cones! a little green for the cone, a little for my mouth and a little dance as well! 

 HEY!

           of course dad can't stay away from a frosting dance party! 

                              more candy for my mouth, i think yes. 

lion man

the very first tooth!

i was trying to have you show me the "gap" with a smile

so it ended up like this.   

                                                  there it is! 
i stared at you (you know how you just stare with all of those intense emotions at your child) in the rearview mirror over the river on the green bridge (yes, i should be looking forward) to clear lake.  i love this everyday drive to gaze in awe at the beauty of the northwest and the beauty of my children. i got teary-eyed thinking how you are so handsome and becoming a sweet, little man. 

pump-ed up-kins

pumpkin pitch zuchinni car

pumpkin wheelies. let the race begin!

soaking in the sun

massive fire truck wheel

butterfly

skeleton

                           gabe's first grade field trip to schuh farms

the perfect pumpkin

hayride

                                                  farm truck driving

my favorite gourds and my favorite gabe

                                                     corn fed chickens

                                        friends at the farm (house)

love this sky blue truck. it's a permanent fixture.

on top of the world (really just the work truck but just as good)

 

fall-ing

we have fallen hard from our safe, family summer nest into the next (not the spring of learning to fly) season but one where it is bright because of orange-red pumpkins and golden leaves that normally make me smile. who says you can't fly in autumn?  i have been the one to try to control (which goes against the nature of life) and fix EVERYTHING since camille started preschool at clear lake when she was 4. i cannot predict the punches and set up blockades, even though i gave my heart and fists.  she had regressed severely. not eating, not sleeping, vomiting into her hands while walking, on her classroom desk...not functioning.

we had made a decision. camille was going to lyman to be with brett. my role in her anxiety was changing and it hit as i stood at the window that sunday morning staring at my katsura with its luminous leaves and whimsical branches. i wasn't ready for the leaves to be wind-torn. i wasn't ready (even though nothing could get worse and everything only better) for the leaves to go. i was fighting change with a hatchet and shovel (can you tell we have been digging up a clothesline bearing concrete from the ground?)  tears from years of energy spent fixing every unexpected moment jackhammered my body. for hours. then, i realized my role needed to be redefined.  free.     

it's me, mom!

          gabe's 1st grade self-portrait. claws, animal ears? why,yes!    
                                 brett is thinking radiohead.

First. Third. Back to School.

 

 

    we did take 1st day pictures but those moments are always filled with butterflies (thankfully, we have left the vomit behind, even though it fights not to be forgotten) and anxious expressions so we are taking 7th day pictures carrying a bit more ease.  first and third grade please be kind.   

RockOURway Beach

                                                 half-moon eyes


                 i think i gave my heart away to the ocean and this guy.


 most amazing two hours spent walking and watching

the sun set at Manhattan Beach.

             stood    seriously    still    trying to breathe this beauty in.   

 

                                             ah, the love. 

                                            cannon beach ride



gabe hitched his ride on the funcycle.     

camille fake smiles because the pedaling back against the wind is fierce and her legs hurt. we had to go ahead to get back to the place in time and she was on her own for a bit, passing beachcombers while she cried. I am sure they thought she was lost. she said she just kept her eyes closed while they walked by.


                                                   broccoli break


 yes, i have more of these but don't want to bore you with broccoli like the time i made brett sit through an endless slide show of deer eating.

                 i love the expressions of my fam here. makes me smile.


                                                  Hug Point


i came out from behind the camera for one eensy second. 



sweet boy 

                                                in we go...


                                                 and out.


                                                ocean pool



                                                    perfection