here, chicky, chicky...

Miah and Kylan.  Daddy feeding his little chicken.

Gabe was having one of those, it's a cow mom, moment. 

Corn-fed chickens.

                                                                       Mr. Serious

My one-eyed Jack

Hello Hay Ride!

come on now, focus, or don't.

I really did not know, when I had children, how much my brain would feel fragmented and entirely the opposite of whole.  it scatters into making sure she's okay cause she has a test today or it's monday and she vomitted in her brother's shoe or he can't sit still and focus or he does focus and can't transition onto something else.  these amazing babes and trying to develop me, not always wanting to be in the darkroom, but framed on the wall.  as i write this, i can see that being 'framed' would be too final and that the interest and passion lie in the process of focusing the blurry image and there will be days when it is just that, blurry (i have been capturing pictures and attended a yearbook workshop last night and so it flows).  i see these two final (which aren't really two but a series and aren't really final) moments and know in the midst of balancing us there is this     

                               peace.

learn, baby, learn

it actually went well.  we were at the school at least 4 times before the DAY and ms. j let you pick your spot and your desk buddy, maddy.  on the DAY we had our plan which involved exactly 10.5 kisses among other things.    

 you started kindergarten on the friday, two days after camille. this first day series of excitement is classic you, gabe.

   according to mrs. mahaffie, you are a quiet boy, hmm...  i do agree with her about the detective part (it is in your journal).  you are very inquisitive.  love you. 

                                                   please love each other like this forever.

Time

Happy 5th Birthday, Gabe!

(the candles tell a different story. we can try to cradle him longer). 

sheri's sweet shop in winthrop (homemade ice cream at its best)

 made gabe's cake and it was delicious.

gabe is a pinata man.  i love how the pinata is behind him and he is ready

 to take that tree down or vice versa.     

                camille puts her entire self into capturing the pinata.

grandpa jay put up a tire swing to carry the days away.

gabe and grandpa jay share the month of august for their birthdays. brett made my dad an apple pie (his absolute favorite in 32 degrees or 78) and the three made wishes.    

Pikeypones

frequent visitors

frank(enstein) rock(y)(star)

not pictured judy (she's very moody and ran rocky off) and amy. 

oh, i have pictures but i won't make you watch a 300 deer slideshow like i did my husband.

 those were the 300 that made the cuts.

okay, in defense of my obsessive deer stalking i got to be a part of this. 

there is something about being surrounded by the non-man-made. 

fairy house.  they came alright and rested their wings in the furry bed,

kicked back in the mushroom chair and definitely swam in the pool. 

our fav walk up the hill to the overlook. 

let me address the glove.  it makes many appearances because it was worn for weeks (actually this is its twin. we had to lay the first to rest. you did your job well, glove).  surgery got the culprit out! 

wildflowers

heart tree

the workings of clay

                                                              domo arigato, mr. roboto

landscape 101 and 2

                                                  standing on the massive rock poses

one of the lookouts (well, i made it one) on our hike up the mountain.

gabe (who always sits by while we swim in a lake or pool or anywhere is pretty passive about most things) LOVES hiking. let's just say he gets a pep in his step. he is determined and i love to see him lead the way.  i didn't follow him here though.  i look down while brett helps him out of a rock nest.

he is so excited that he just creates his own path.

on our decline gabe says, "this must be the lost and found area." 

brett imitating his great great grandpa mcdaniel's photo stance.

                                                          is this corn hand shucked?

setting up for our movie under the stars. we did that one night but the others we leaned back and stared for hours.  there is worldly silence and nature speaks.  we were in awe because

we saw a shooting star that flew across the entire sky.  

we went to sun mountain to hike and thought we would ditch our usual place and try the unknown. we went in our car on this "bike" trail and it keeps narrowing and steeply sloping down. brett asks me if we should turn around and of course i always want to keep going so we do and our car drives closer to the edge of the cliff and we get in a bit of a tight spot (where we freak out) but make it through...  camille started this impression of me that goes "yeah, yeah, keep going. we'll make it.  oh, yeah keep going. i think we'll be fine" repeated a few times in a valley girl voice which was new to me but it does sound pretty spot on.  sorry brett for taking you with me (not just on this ride). 

glad i get to look into these faces everyday!

SCOUTIN' with the Girls

East Beach Watch  (was so hard to do)!

Troop 43561

Still enjoying Beach Watch (I promise I watched the girls when they were out)! 

Kite Flying or Girl Flying?

Exploring North Beach

Girl Led-Freestyle Face Painting

The Peace Sign

This lured me from Campfire to admire the Fire of Sunset.

Can you tell I am just a bit obsessed with this wonder and beauty? 

 Back is on the rocks, soaking in these moments.   

Santa's Favorite Dog

when will bryn be resurrected?
how is bryn going to get her body back from the hospital when she is resurrected?   
bryn will be hungry in heaven. 
i wonder what she is eating for dessert.
she might get wet from the rain in heaven. 
is bryn going to stay in heaven when we go to winthrop?   
questions in gabe's mind.

i would stand on top of one gasworks hill and brett on the other.  she would run like mad from brett to me and back again.  she would get quite the following of dogs and they would chase her. she would slow down and as soon as they inched closer she would dig in at top speed.

i could watch her run for hours. she was beautiful.

she declines so rapidly. she only weighed 35 pounds to begin with. with each stroke of fur, fingers glide down bone.  denial and avoidance.  today is the day. the appointed time, 4:20 p.m.  how does something die? 
we so badly want her to leave on her own.  we didn't want to be the ones to chose to give her the needle.  even though it is time (time is vague)  it is hard to decide when to take life.

in unity we walk, three of us with bryn in brett's arms, into the clinic.  i check us in and i stand there looking back at brett with blurred vision as she asks us if we want to be there during the process.  we can't leave her alone, comfortless. yes.  brett carries her in, wrapped in her fleece paw blanket and before we get to the room she dies in his arms.  we set her down and she is gone.  our hearts choke.  relief is present.  her time.  it is strange witnessing death. she was alive 10 minutes ago and now she is still.  how does this happen?  life and then stillness. 

she used to sleep with us.  when we got her from the pound we agreed she wouldn't.  brett left town and i guess i forgot about the agreement.  we lived in a shared house with no washer or dryer.  i used to vacuum the sheets to suck up the hair that would cling to our mouths.